counting the day to come...

I’m about 2 months and 15days away from turning 32 yrs old. Now I realize life is too short.I’ve been thinking a lot about the kind of girl I used to be, all the cool things I’ve seen and done, as well as all the stupid mistakes I’ve made that have ended up hurting myself and others close to me.


I look back my past life and I can’t help but ask myself- have I grown up? Am I the person I wanted to become? Am I where I should be in terms of my character and my career? We live in a society that demands we achieves as much as we can, as fast as we can. But what happens if we don’t? What if life takes us in difference direction, somewhere we weren’t expecting to ever go? What then? Still remembber, when I finally got out of school and started working, I was stunned by how ambitious I was how badly I wanted to succeed and how far I was willing to go to achieve success. When you’re just beginning to build your career, you have a lot of zeal. Everything is about doing well & making money.

It’s a very blind period in one’s life, I feel. Most of the times you don’t notice a lot of things because you’re so focused on putting yourself out there, its like tunnel- vision. And because you’re so in the thick of everything, because you keep pushing to get where you want to be, it isn’t until much, much later that you start to see all the cracks in the systems, all the chinks in the armor,
All the things you sacrificed to get where you are.

Should i feel ashamed? What if, a little over a year from now, I wake up only to find myself still not rich and still not married? I suppose this is where the: as long as you’re happy” saying comes into play. But this isn’t necessarily about you think.what about your family? Families always say they want what’s best for their children and they mean it. In fact, I’d say that’s probably the most directly honest thing you will ever hear your parents say to you. They want what’s best because they love you.The reason they drive this point home is because the alternative isn’t worth thinking about. From childhood, we are brought up to believe success equals happiness, and that one rarely exists without the other.Ideally, when my 32 birthday swings around, I should have a solid life, be married to a nice husband, hopefully.

life

We all having very different experiences with love, maybe for me I didn’t love myself enough to have a man who loved me dearly. I need to learn to love myself and accept the real me and see deep side of me so that I could open my heart to bringing the right person in my life.

We all mess up from time to time or maybe. Allow each other to mess up, and perhaps the best we can do is expect people to learn from what happen and admit to that and move from that. And for me I learned a lot from past experience and hopefully I can move on. I think there is a struggle to find balance in life. Sometime for some reason I feel a need to have it all, a family, a relationship, and work. I think we spread ourselves really thin to make the effort to make it all happen. I don’t know if it can be done, I honestly I don’t think anyone knows. We just try to be happy, searching for serenity in life.. Yup tats sound nice actually, easier to say..than to be done

Oh maybe,just MAYBE life would be easier to just surrender and let things happen the way they’re supposed to be. I’m not saying we should surrender everything and not have ambition or have any thought of where you want to go, what you want to accomplish or who you want to be with, but it’s as matter of, you can’t fight what is going to happen. It’s more of an adventure and we will never know what and how its was if we not dare to try.

I’m tried and sick of mylife And myself. It’s the curse of life, you have to fight to find time, and relationships are hard work. They need workouts. It’s like cultivating anything. Its need attention, care and application. Actually anything and everything in this world you have to fight and I really tired!! Maybe start from now I really need to think the slogan “ what goes around comes around” and “you fool me first ashamed on you , fool me twice ashamed on you”

Luv me? Luv me not?

sad..

It just a few days after New Year and I all ready have problem. The best part is...I’m alone!! No one to talk to and I don’t know to who I want to ask for help. Even just to release my stress. Sometime I think, not sometime actually. The correct words are “all the time”... ya that is the correct words. Everytime I’ve problem surely will be alone. I just need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to my problem .That all. Nothing more nothing less.

1st sunset 2010

May all beautiful things happens in 2010.